Fishing Jokes

Fishing Jokes

Here are some fishing jokes we have collected over the years. We hope you enjoy them, Email us your fishing jokes and we will post. A link is on the bottom of the page. (Yes, there are lots of blonde jokes)
JOKES:
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend’s house for a play date. “Mommy,” the little girl asks, “how old are you?”
“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied.
“It’s not polite.”
“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”
“Now really,” the mother says, “those are personal questions and are
really none of your business.”
Undaunted, the little girl asks, “Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
“That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!” The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
“My Mom won’t tell me anything about her,” the little girl says to her
friend.
“Well,” says the friend, “all you need to do is look at her drivers
license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.”
Later that night t he little girl says to her mother, “I know how old you
are, you are 32.”

The mother is surprised and asks, “How did you find that out?
“I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.”
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
“How in heaven’s name did you find that out?”
“And,” the little girl says triumphantly,”I know why you and daddy got a
divorce.”
“Oh really?” the mother asks. “Why?”

“Because you got an F in sex.”
A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, “Is this a union house?”
“No,” she replied, “I’m sorry it isn’t.”
“Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?”
“The house gets $80 and the girls get
$20,” she answered
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union
man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, “Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules.”
The man asked, “And if I
pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?” “The girls get $80 and the house gets $20.”
“That’s more like it!” the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to
a stunningly attractive blonde.
“I’d like her,” he said.
“I’m sure you would, sir,” said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old
woman in the corner, “but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and
according to union rules, she’s next.”
With age comes wisdom.
A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, “Pick me up.” He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, “Pick me up” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, “Are you talking to me?” The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride” The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket. Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.” He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high and sets him on the counter.
He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.
He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart! “Where on earth did you get that?” says the bartender. The man responds by reaching into the paper bag. This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.” So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him. “I will grant you one wish. Just one wish…each person is only allowed one!” The bartender gets real excited. Without hesitating he says, “I want a million bucks!”
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!
The bartender turns to the man and says, “Y’know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.”
“No shit!!” says the man, “do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?”
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LOYALTY IN MARRIAGE……………..
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side…You know what?”
“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. “I think you’re bad luck, get away from me.”